How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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