I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
