I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
