Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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