I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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