I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
