ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
