sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
