his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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