My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
