I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
