sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
