The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
