we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
