I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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