I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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