I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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