I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
