Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
