thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
