dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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