what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
