best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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