We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The air was thick with penises
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
