and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
