Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
