So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
birth control should be required to get into college
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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