just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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