Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
