I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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