Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
