yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
