The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
