gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
