your room smells of hookers.
And success
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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