I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Houston, we have a blender
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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