Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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