Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
