woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dicks are not precious.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
