How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
