Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
