grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
