she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
