so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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