Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
