I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
