thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
