she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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