I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
