Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
