Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
