i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
