Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
