fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't deserve a penis
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
